At the end of April when Kim and I ran our 10k race together, our conversation turned to Ryan. This is nothing new. Often when I am running my thoughts or conversations are about Ryan. Anyway, at this point, I do not remember what we actually talked about besides Ryan was the basis. The only part that I actually remember is that Kim mentioned something along the lines that she knows we are still grieving in our way and we express that grief in our own way. I think I made some comment about how I can put on the best facade ever to hide my emotions...it is just my personality. Anyway, a little while ago, I came across this quote from one of SIDs support groups. It was fitting, and I wanted to have it recorded.
"Grieving parents are survivors, and each survivor travels this lonely and painful road in a way each maps out. In traveling this road, parents often respond differently, learn to live with their grief separately, and express their sadness uniquely."
I think that this quote applies to not only parents that lose their children but to any loss in life. I also think that it applies to each person individually within the family and relationship. If there is one thing that I have learned from this grief process is that Dale and I are very different in how we express emotions, especially grief.
So, for those who think that I am insensitive and uncaring because I do not "show" emotion or grief, remember I am traveling the road in my own way.
***As a note, I am pretty sure none of my blog readers have accused me of that, but I know I have been by others, and for the record, it does not bother me to be talked about. :)
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