Struggles...

I have struggles...Hey! We all do, right? If someone out there doesn't have struggles, I would love to meet them. I have 2 current battles. One is humorous and one is serious. The humorous one, I am throwing out there to try to make me smile tonight.

So the first battle is running. I was able to make my 2 mile mark today running. I know to some this not that big of deal while to others this is a huge task. For me it is huge! I started running again about 2 weeks ago for the first time in 2 years. Besides being sick, I have been running everyday during that time. I was thrilled with this milestone!!! However the battle...My legs are stinking SORE!!! haha...

So the second battle. I found out tonight that a very close coworker of mine from college died. I feel it necessary to give a brief synopsis of our job. We worked for a facility called Ark Regional Services. We assisted with the daily living of developmental and mental disabled people. It was very stressful but very rewarding work. I work there for 3.5 years. Through that time, I moved through the ranks and became a supervisor over one of the residential group homes. I supervised 4 staff members and 5 clients. I LOVED my work even through the stressful times. As one can imagine, working in this type of career takes a person with special skills and patient levels.

Anyway, there was another guy there that like me, worked through the ranks and became a supervisor at another house. I knew this guy while we were staff members and became closer with him after we made supervisor. As supervisors, we have a lot of additional meetings and stuff. Well, we got along great! We were both college students. Both in our 20s. We just had a lot of similarities. So, we hung out at work a lot. Not to be redundant, but he was my closest friend at the supervisor level. He always had a smile on his face for anyone who he crossed paths with. To him, it did not matter if you were a staff member, a stranger, a boss, a client, a fellow supervisor, or a dog...He had a smile and kind word for you.

Now, outside of work, we did not really socialize. He was not LDS so our ideas of socializing were different, but we would see each other on campus occasionally, and he was the same guy as at work. He would always smile and make sure your day was ok. So, now, it has been almost 3 years since I have left and moved on with my life. I haven't seen him for those 3 years. So here is the struggle. When I found out that he died, I asked my old coworker that I was talking to if she knew how or why or any details. Well, she told me that he had committed suicide. WHAT!!!

Supposedly, he left a note and his family was not surprised by the news. However, I was floored! I still can not believe that of all the acquaintances in my life, this happened to him. I would have NEVER expected this. I am not meaning to judge him. After all it has been 3 years since I have seen him. I have no idea what he has had going on in his life. For me, it is just so hard to wrap my mind around how/why this sensitive happy coworker could do this. My heart and my mind are struggling.

Death does not bother me. I have faced more death in my life than most people. I truly miss those people who pass on, but I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for them. I know that I will see them again. But suicide, I struggle with. It bothers me. I do not understand. I try not to judge, but it is so hard.

I will be fine. I pray that this co worker's family and clients will also be able to cope with their loss. It is easy for me to forget my struggles when I think of our clients. I love our clients. I understand how sensitive they are, and I know how this tragedy will affect them. So, I continue to pray, and I will move on in my life.