Emotional No-good Day

My vent post...
Our weather the last week has been rainy. I have actually loved it. We got so little snow this winter that I am grateful for all the moisture we are receiving now.

Today is the 6 month mark since losing Ryan. The sweet boy is always on my mind. My day started much like my day 6 months ago. Both were Sabbath Days. Both I awoke at 4 AM (ish) unable to sleep and feeling troubled. Both have revealed tragedy shortly after "starting the day." Both have ended an emotional roller coaster that the rainy/snowy day outdoors fits perfectly. It is like the Heavens are saying, "We're crying with you! It's ok!"

So, here is my day. As mentioned, I woke up between 330-4 AM for the first time. I unsuccessfully tried to sleep for another hour, tossing and turning. Finally about 5-530, I gave up and pulled out my phone to start reading. It was too dark to do anything. That is when I realized that we had no power. As mentioned, my thoughts have continually been on Ryan. I've been crying alot anyway. I had about decided that church was going to be a no-go because we didn't have power to get ready with (I know, sounds lame.) Then the power came back on. I hurried and got ready., ate breakfast, and got RJ ready. Dale decided that he was sick and decided not to go.

RJ and I got to church and sat down. We were sitting there and I kept telling myself not to cry. I do that alot...I like talking to myself. Then Brother Lounsbury comes over and asks if I can give the opening prayer. I said sure. The meeting starts and he goes through the announcements. There were some happy ones, and then he relayed the sad story of a young brother (only 23 years old) in our ward that died this morning in a car wreck. His young wife (no clue on age...early 20s though) survived. I have never met the family. I know that probably makes me a bad neighbor, but in a ward my size, it is hard to know everyone. Anyway, we now knew why we were without power. Their vehicle hit the pole knocking out the power. All of us that did lose power would much rather have been without power than have something so tragic happen.

Anyway, back to the day. Last week was rough with my thoughts on my brother who I just mentioned in the previous post died in a car wreck. Then today I was already emotional with my thoughts on Ryan. Then Brother Lounsbury related this information to us, it was just about too much for me. I blubbered through the opening Hymn and made my way to the pulpit to offer the prayer. It probably was the shortest prayer in the history of Sacrament meeting AND I am probably the only person that has ended the prayer because I was bursting out crying during it. Anyway, I more or less cried and sniffled my way through sacrament meeting while fighting with RJ, who was not being good at all.

It has just been an emotional no-good day. I know I am bound to have other bad days, too. I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers and comments on my Facebook page. I really do have such amazingly strong friends in my life. Thank you.