Father's Day

This is my last post before I do all my vacation posts and pictures--I promise. However, I have to do this post now since I was gone on Father's Day without computer access. Father's Day raises several different emotions for me--especially this year. Therefore, I must admit that I have put some thought into this post and I also admit that I am a tad emotional. I also have no clue how long this post will be when it is finished. So here we go.

On a happy note, I am so grateful for Dale and for the wonderful dad that he is to RJ. I am glad that we can "officially" celebrate Father's day in our household now. The down side to that is we were all separated this year on Father's Day. Oh well, we can't win it all.

Now, just for the sake of keeping an accurate record, I have to mention the date of this past Father's Day. Father's Day this year was on June 20, 2010. On June 20, 1993, also Father's Day, my entire family were baptized as members of the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints. So naturally, June 20th is always significant in my life, but this year it just had a double impact for me. Even more importantly, my parents were baptized and confirmed first that way my dad could then baptize me and my brother. Additional meaning added to both that Father's Day and to this Father's day.

On to the not so joyous feelings. I have always loved and appreciated both my parents, and I am grateful for everything that they have taught me and done for me. Despite that love and appreciation, I (like most teenagers) had my share of battles with my parents, especially my dad. Things were so bad for awhile that I almost moved out my junior year of high school. I will not go into the details because I don't want to really admit on the Net everything that I did/said to him; it was rough for both of us. Looking back now, even though I take no joy in my behavior, I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the strength I received through those trials. So, even though I didn't move out and my father and I "patched" things up enough to be able to stand in the same room, our relationship was still strained.

Fast forward to my junior year of college at the University of Wyoming. I was 19 at the time and I had just moved there for school. I called my mom every other day or so, and I would inquire and pass messages to my dad through her. I didn't ever really talk to my dad on the phone. During my first semester at school, I met a great guy, Thomas, who became one of my closest friends while I was going to school. Like most 18 and 19 year olds, Thomas had his personal problems too. We would spend countless hours hanging out talking, having guitar lessons, going to sporting events, etc... (Side note: We were NOT dating!!!! It irritates me when people assume that) Anyway, by this time my mom's disease was progressively getting worse though she still hadn't been diagnosed with anything. She had been in and out of the hospitals. We were very close. It was TEARING me inside being away and not there for her. So Thomas and I spent time discussing both our issues. I owe him SO much. I don't even think that he knows what he did for me and the significance of it. So back to the father-thing... During one of my mom's hospitalizations, Thomas and I were sitting at the Institute probably about 1 or 2 in the morning discussing my concerns and fears. He looked at me and said (paraphrased), "Jenn, I know you love your parents and I don't want what I say to hurt you. You don't know what is going to happen with your mom. Don't you think that she and our Heavenly Father would want you and your father to be able to coincide in this world and talk if she was no longer here?" That was an eye opener and a shock for me.

It took some time, maybe a week or two, of pondering and HUGE internal debate, but I finally wrote my dad a letter. I know it would have been faster to call him, but I express myself better in writing. So, I wrote him a letter. The general jest of the letter was apologizing and me telling him that I finally accepted him for who he was. All and all the letter ended up being 3 or 4 pages hand written. Our relationship was never the same after that. Sure he annoyed me at times, but I was able to overlook that and I would never allow him to anger me. I finally felt that I had a relationship with my father. A year later, my mom passed away. Again, I am indebted and grateful to my friend Thomas.

That brings us to 2005. The first year of my family living and coping without my mom. It was rough. She was definitely the backbone and strength of our family. Luckily my dad and I did not have the usual strain. That helped significantly. Dale and I were dating, engaged, and got married. All of which my dad mostly approved of. We had a disagreement over the LDS Temple marriage because he would not be able to attend. Again, we were able to work through our disagreement and not have any hard feelings-though the day was hard for both of us.

That brings us to 2006. I have no idea what day Father's Day was on in 2006. Anyway, the Saturday of whatever weekend it was, I arranged to have my shift covered at work and Dale and went down to Greeley, CO to meet up with my dad. He had taken one of his antique trucks there for a show, and we thought that it would be good to spend Father's Day weekend with him. Talk about divine inspiration again! We went down and had a very enjoyable weekend. We left and went home. 2.5 weeks later, my father was killed in an automobile accident. Like I said, divine inspiration. I will be forever grateful for that time that Dale and I had to spent with my father doing something that he enjoyed so much.

So obviously, I have gone on and on, and I am not sure if I have reached a point, yet. As I stated to begin with, I have several feelings that are invoked by Father's Day. This year, my 4th year without my father here on Earth, I was in Colorado on Father's Day and Dale was in Las Vegas. I had the opportunity to go to the cemetery and do the flower-thing on my dad's grave. I admit, it was not the same, but it was my first time being able to honor him in that way on that day.

Finally, my last thoughts. I am so grateful to have been blessed with the father that I have. I am so grateful that I have a husband that is a great father. I am so grateful for my faith and that I have (finally) been sealed to my parents. I am grateful that though I do not have my father with me on Earth, I will be with him again. I am grateful for the peace that I have in my life--especially with my past. Most of all, I am grateful for A Father's Love. So to conclude, here are the words of Bucky Covington (generally not a fan-sorry if you are), but this song fits my dad and I so perfectly, it is scary.

For the longest time, I guess I thought
He didn't give a damn
Hard to read, hard to please
Yeah, that was my old man
On the day I left for college
It was nothing new
We never had that heart-to-heart
He had too much to do

[Chorus:]
He checked the air in my tires
The belts and all the spark plug wires
Said "When the hell's the last time
"You had this oil changed"
And as I pulled out the drive
He said "Be sure and call your mom sometime"
And I didn't hear it then
But I hear it now
He was saying "I love you"
(He was saying "I love you")
The only way he knew how

120,000 miles
Six years down the road
A brand new life and a brand new wife
We'd just bought our first home
When he finally came to visit
I thought he'd be so proud
He never said he liked the place
He just got his tool belt out

And put new locks on the doors
Went back and forth to the hardware store
Said "Come and hold this flashlight"
As he crawled beneath the sink
And "These old wires ain't up to code"
And "That circuit box is gonna overload"
And I didn't hear it then
But I hear it now
He was saying "I love you"
The only way he knew how

Last Sunday, we all gathered
For his 65th birthday
And I knew he'd stiffen up
But I hugged him anyway
When it was finally time to say goodbye
I knew what was next
Just like he always does
Right before we left

[Repeat Chorus]

He knew how